I'm kind of abandoning my usual schedule this week because I'm busy getting ready for Anna and Josie's birthday party this Saturday! :-) But, felt the need to take some time out and write about this, this morning...
As some of you might already know, I chose to go along with the school's recommendation of putting them in separate classes, when they started preschool this past September... I had a few reasons, not the least of which is that, despite the fact that some people think they can tell them apart, they're usually immediately proven wrong when put to the test :-p And, I didn't want to add the complication of them constantly getting mixed-up, to all the existing challenges of starting school.
I'm not really re-thinking my decision... yet. But, something did happen yesterday that got me to thinking...
As I picked up Anna from her class, and we started to walk over to Josie's classroom, Anna started telling me (with tears in her eyes) how, "she didn't look like her friends." With some prodding, the best I've been able to determine is, there was some dispute over who's turn it was to use the computer... and another kid told her she had a big face or something like that. While certainly a ridiculous comment, it obviously stung Anna, who until this point, seemed blissfully unaware that anybody NOT liking her was even a possibility :-p (The same goes for Josie.) It's a quality that I admire a great deal and have tried to model in my own life.
One of my favorite stories is taking them to a playground, where a little boy was, honestly, acting like a real brat to them: Telling them to go away, this playground was his, and all that. But, they completely shrugged it off... and then when he jumped off from one of the levels, they clapped and cheered for him... and his entire demeanor changed. He smiled and then wanted to play with them. It was a beautiful thing to witness and something I'll never forget.
Now, yesterday's incident may not have been that big of a deal (although I am surprised that, that kind of teasing can start as early as preschool... and my protective instincts have made me want to throttle that child's parents and ask them what they're teaching their kids)... but, again, it got me to thinking...
When I was growing up, my family was constantly moving around. Consequently, I was always the "new girl." :-) And, I was very shy... and, kind of tended to be a bit of a loner. Bullying never got to be a big issue for me, but I was certainly teased, harassed, etc. at times.
Now that I have twins, I think: Wouldn't it have been great to have a friend by my side, whenever someone did pick on me?
This is something that I'll just have to watch and make decisions about as time goes on... but, if bullying ever became an issue for them, I think one of the first things I might do is ask that they be put in the same class together. At the very least, it's harder to pick on someone when there's two of them :-D
What do you think, though? Is bullying a good reason for keeping twins together in school?
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7 comments:
My twins are still in preschool, and I dread having to make the decision about whether to separate them later. Since they're boy/girl, it might not be quite the same in terms of issues we'd consider, but bullying is definitely one of them. They're only three, but they definitely watch out for each other already. That said, you want them to learn to be able to cope on their own. I wish I had words of advice for you, but I don't know what's best.
Have you read Reviving Ophelia (by Mary Pipher, I think)? It may be a bit early yet, but especially since you have girls, I think you'd love it.
Well, the down side is that one twin will protect the other. What happens is that one twin becomes the agressor and then he (she) gets sent to the principal's office because of shoving. The twin that was protected learns to let dear brother save him rather than how to deal with it himself. I have 9-year-old twin boys. They are identical, but usually the teachers have ways of knowing who is who. Although, their first grade teacher told me their hair was getting long. Which shocked me that a teacher would bring up a haircut. Until she mentioned she couldn't see Twin B's ear. His ear was folded in half when he was born and when it finally unfolded it left a little bit of a point. I've always told teachers that was how to tell them apart, LOL.
The boys have always been in the same classrooms, since they started preschool at 3. They are now 3rd graders and we are looking at separating them next year. One is relying a bit too much on brother, now. I have asked them a few times what they think about having different classrooms: depending on the day they are either excited or they stare at me in shock (cause, you know, I never asked them - yes, I'm rolling my eyes). I always try to be upbeat and positive about it so that I don't create any negative attitude. Honestly, I'm a bit torn up myself.
I fear it will end up like the one session in swim lessons when they were in a different group. They were 4. The instructors worked side-by-side so the twins could still be in their own group, but sit on the wall near each other. Until Twin B's group went to the deep end (well, not super deep, just 5')to practice jumping off the wall. Twin A yells clear across the pool, "GUY! You okay?" Twin A yells back "Yeah, Guy!" They did that a few times. I wonder how the school will handle one yelling from another classroom?
My sister and I are identical twins. My mom decided to separate us becuase we relyed on each other too much. No one could tell us apart either, even my dad and aunt had trouble so mom thought it would be better for the teacher if we were not together.
I think it was good for us to reach out to other kids. We were together all the time outside of school so school was our only time to be ourselves. I think it did us good. We are super close today, even lived together as adults for a while and my kids adore her so no worries that separate classrooms would mean breaking the bond or anything.
We also moved a lot growing up, always the new kid in school. It sucked bad but we had each other outside of the classroom and were fine. No true bullying but a few times of teasing, etc. (We were unbelievably poor, wearing ratty clothes given to us by the salvation army so that contributed to our teasing)
I hope you figure it out and are secure in your decision. My mom did keep us together in preschool so when I started K I cried so hard for a few weeks. My sis did not care but I was a crier anyway. It is good that they are separate now to prepare for separation in K.
Good luck and they are adorable.
My non-identical twin girls are just finishing their first year at primary school, and they are in the same class. I was asked what I would prefer before they started and I requested that they be in the same class but different groups. They are actually in a P1/2 composite class, where they share a class/teacher with older kids. If I had split them, I would have had one girl in the P1 class and one in the P1/2 class. I didn't think it fair that one would have (what I see as) the advantage of mixing with, and learning from, the older kids.
In their first year at nursery they were in the same group, but the following year they were split into separate groups. This didn't go down well initially, but they ended up thriving in their individual groups.
As someone who was picked on at school for wearing glasses, I feel comforted that my girls have each other as they go through school. As it happens, my girls seem to be very popular, not just with their classmates, but also with the older kids. Long may that continue!...
My identical twin boys are only 10mos old. My pediatrician already suggested separating them in school when the time comes so they won't be compared in terms of achievement and such.
My mum instinct tells me to keep them together. They are twins for a reason and it should be kept that way even if it means keeping them in the same class all the time they are in school as long as they want to. So sue me :D
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Hello everyone, I know this is now two years later, but would love your take on this issue now. My girls are about to go into Kindergarten and I feel pretty strongly that they should stay together, but the school leadership feels strongly that twins should be separated. Any thoughts?
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