Free-Range Twins?

Warning: There are a couple parts of this post that might not sit well with the easily-squeamish-ed :-p

May 22nd has been dubbed national "Take your kid to the park and leave them there day" by author Lenore Skenazy, in connection with her book "Free-Range Kids."

It's a bit of a controversial issue... and, I'm trying to force myself to NOT steer so clear of controversial issues... so I thought this would be a good one to tackle :-p

Anyway, here's my own personal experience/opinion:

I did hover over my girls a bit when they were like 2 and trying to climb giant slides at the playgrond :-p But they're 5 now.... so, when I take them to one of the many playgrounds around here, they run off and play with each other or whatever kids are there. Sometimes they'll call me over if they want help with something, like being pushed on the swings or making it across the monkey bars. But, most of the time, I just watch them play (which I enjoy).

When we show up, though, we are practically mauled by children... many younger than Anna and Josie. They are clearly attention-starved. Yes, they have each other, but in my humble opinion, kids need parents, too.

No, we shouldn't get in the way and hover over our children... paranoid about every little thing. However, even if you take out the whole child predator fear (which many use as a point for and against this idea), there are still a million things that could, and do, happen to children... even if someone is there watching.

For one, even the most obedient child can forget themselves, especially when with their friends, and do something they shouldn't... maybe they fall off something and break their arm? Unlikely? Maybe... but it happened to me.

When I was 9, I was playing outside with a friend, the same age... and, despite the fact that my Mom had told me a million times not to do it, because I'll "break my neck," I jumped off our patio (which was only about 12 inches off the ground)... caught my heel on something, flipped over, and landed on my arm, where it broke clean in half (broke both the bones in my forearm... it was a clean break, but the front portion of my forearm was hanging down perpendicular to the rest of my forearm).

I then had to get up, in shock, and run all the way around the apartment building... where I promptly got hit in the head by the big outside door when another kid came running out :-p Finally made it inside to show my parents what had happened, though... and of course, I'm fine today... although I think my parents are still a little emotionally scarred by the whole incident :-p (Me, I kind of like talking about my weird broken arm :-p)

Isolated incident? Well, when my husband was about 3 or 4, his older sister (who was about 12 or 13 at the time) took him to the playground... where, an older kid pushed him off a big slide. He landed on his head, was knocked unconscious, and fractured his skull. He survived with limited brain damage (JK honey! :-p)... but, thank God his sister was there to help get him to the hospital.

My point is, where there are kids, there are accidents. People are free to make their own choices when it comes to their kids (as long as it's within the confines of the law... which I doubt includes letting some of these VERY young children run wild all over our neighborhood... most of which seem to think the parking lot is their own personal playground)... however, my parenting philosophy is this: I will let my kids find their own way, discover their independence, etc... but I also plan to be there (even if it's just in the background) in case they need me.

What's your opinion, though? I'm especially interested in putting a twin-spin on this :-) Do you think it's especially OK to let kids play alone outside, if they have their twin with them?

My response to the twin portion of this: It doesn't really change my opinion. I do let my 16-year old stepdaughter take the girls to the playground occasionally. But, making them responsible for each other? Only when I think they're old enough to fend for themselves, even alone. Because, I just feel it's too much pressure to put on a child, to become responsible for another child's well-being. Examples:

Starting at about age of 10, I was, at times, responsible for watching my younger siblings (which were 3, 5 and 7 years younger than me). Now, I found it incredibly stressful, but maybe that was just me :-p I also still feel bad for the time when, I was left alone in the car with my siblings (I think I was maybe 12 by that time), and my one brother Danny ripped his eyelid in half (hey, I warned you squeamish people off! :-p)... It was an old Dodge Dart and I think there was some kind of hook jutting out somewhere... and Danny, being the accident-prone kid he was, somehow managed to catch his eyelid on it... don't ask me how :-p He turned around, with his hands over one eye, blood pouring out... I screamed, and left the car to run and find my parents (don't know what my other siblings did while I was gone :-p)

Another weird, isolated incident? When my husband was a little boy, his older sisters were often put in charge of watching him. Obviously, though, they weren't very attentive (hey, they were teenage girls... it's understandable), because he managed to do such things as, when he was again 3 or 4, ride his big wheel, naked, to his little girlfriend's house. He knocked on the door, asked if she could come out and play... and, the Mother gently said, "David, I think you need to go back and put some clothes on first." :-p So, he responded, "OK" and rode back.

I can only imagine how hilarious this all was... and while it seems innocent, also that same year, he got out again, got in one of the family's cars, put it in reverse, which resulted in him rolling backward, running over a fence, hitting a tree in the neighbor's backyard... where he then got out, went back inside and pretended like nothing had happened :-p Again, kind of a funny story now, since no one was hurt (although I'm surprised his Mother didn't have a coronary when she came home and found one of her cars in the neighbor's yard :-p). But, it very easily could have had a much more tragic outcome...

As Bill Cosby once said (back in the 70s, the time everyone refers to as this Utopian era of when it was perfectly fine to let your kids run free, completely unsupervised), children have brain damage! :-p Sorry, kids are beautiful, wonderful... and completely insane... you spend most of their childhood just trying to keep them from killing themselves :-p Those who didn't have parents looking after them to make sure that didn't happen? Thank the overworked angels that were watching over you :-p I'm sure all of us have plenty of stories about times that we were not only hurt, but almost hurt or killed. And, I'm sure there are plenty of heartbreaking stories where the kids, indeed, did not survive.

Sorry, but I'm personally not willing to go back to the days where, if you complained to your Mom that the seatbelt was digging into your back, she told you to just stuff back down into the seat :-p At least not when it comes to my kids... they're simply too precious to me. You do have to take chances in life... but, you don't have to take stupid, unnecessary chances, either. Under-protective is just as bad (if not worst) than over-protective, IMHO.

Again, though, your opinion? Opening up the floodgates here! :-p